1)There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
2)There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
3)Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
4)Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
5)When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'."
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2 comments:
Brent - awesome find! here are just a few of the ones that have me laughing:
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!
Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
and finally.....
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
damn, there are so many good ones!!
omg yes. im glad chuck posted the bill brasky. they are definitely men born from the same gaping wound. Although the chuck norris website officially claims Norris was fathered by no mortal man but instead travelled back in time to father himself.
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